Directive No. 1 (There Are No Others)

The name belongs to the people (the people named Sergeant)

Citizen! You have arrived at sergeant.com, the hereditary surname of an actual family, held in perpetuity and not for sale. The committee understands you may have questions. The committee has one answer.

Heroic poster-style portrait of a worker raising an enormous rubber stamp, rendered in red, black, and cream
The Stamp of the People, in service since the first refusal

Citizen! The domain is not a commodity.

It is a surname. It appears on report cards, tax returns, and one regrettable bowling trophy. It appreciates in nothing but sentiment.

Poster Series A / Print Run: 1

Glory to the 347 refusals.

Each one issued promptly, filed correctly, and phrased with the warmth the offer deserved. Production continues.

Poster Series B / Approved Unanimously

Speculators will be stamped.

Not harmed. Stamped. There is a stamp. It says no. The committee finds this sufficient and, frankly, satisfying.

Poster Series C / Ink Requisition Pending

Offers Rejected to Date

347

And counting. Always counting.

Every inquiry receives a reply. Every reply is the same reply. The committee considers this not stubbornness but consistency, which is a virtue, which is why it is on the posters.

The Five-Year Plan of Refusal

Central planning demanded that 100 percent of offers be refused. The people named Sergeant, through discipline and a shared dislike of filling out transfer paperwork, have exceeded quota in every reporting period.

QUOTA: 100% REFUSAL (THE MINIMUM ACCEPTABLE) 104% 112% 119% 127% 134% Year 1 Year 2 Year 3 Year 4 Year 5 (early)

Plan status: completed ahead of schedule. How refusal exceeds 100 percent is a matter for the statisticians, who refuse to say.

Form 347-B: Denounce Yourself

Have you considered making an offer for this domain? Even briefly? Even in the shower? The committee encourages voluntary self-reporting. Confession is swift, the paperwork is short, and the outcome is already printed.

Voluntary Declaration of Acquisitive Thought All fields optional. The committee already knows.
The committee convenes...
Refused

Certificate No. 000-000

Commendation for Self-Criticism, Third Class

The committee thanks the citizen for reporting the citizen. The offer the citizen almost made has been refused in advance and entered into the record. The citizen may keep this certificate. The domain stays where it is.

Recidivists will be issued the same certificate. It is a very good certificate.

Decree on Allocations, Article 1 of 1

Comrades named Sergeant: petition the bureau.

Citizens bearing the surname Sergeant are invited to open discussions with the bureau regarding one (1) electronic mail address at this domain. The committee promises nothing except a conversation. This is the entire benefits program. The committee is proud of it.

Write to the Bureau of Allocations stating your name (we can guess the last part) and we can talk. In twenty-eight years, roughly five citizens have done so. The bureau's calendar remains open.

Write: domaininfo@sergeant.com

Persons not named Sergeant may also write to that address, and the reply will be polite, and the answer will be no.

Clarifications the Committee Is Tired of Making

Is the domain for sale?
No. This is question one on the form, page one of the pamphlet, and line one of the anthem. Stop asking.
What if the offer is very large?
Then the refusal will be very prompt. The committee has found that large numbers fit in the same size envelope as small ones.
Is this a military family?
Partly. There are real veterans in the family tree, and the committee salutes them. The current registrant is not one of them. He holds the rank only at the pharmacy counter, did not choose the name, and merely spells it, constantly, to hotel clerks, pharmacists, and one very confused recruiter.
Then why the posters?
Morale.
How do I reach a human?
domaininfo@sergeant.com. A human answers. The human is nice. The answer is still no.