In re: Sergeant.com

PAGE 347

IN THE COURT OF PERPETUAL INQUIRY
IN AND FOR THE COUNTY OF WHOIS

IN RE: SERGEANT.COM,        )
                            )   CASE NO. 347
     A SURNAME,             )
     NOT AN OPPORTUNITY.    )   (continued)

Deposition of the Witness
Volume XXIV (Continued)

Taken on a recurring basis since 1998, pursuant to notice,
and against everyone's better judgment.

APPEARANCES:
For the Prospective Buyers: EVERYONE, ESQ.
For the Witness: THE WITNESS, pro se,
appearing under his own name, which is the point.

Also present: the court reporter, who has typed the word
"No" more times than any other word and would like a new word.

THE COURT:  We are back on the record. Counsel, I remind you that this witness has answered your question in this courtroom, by email, by certified letter, and once, memorably, by postcard.
MR. EVERYONE:  Thank you, Your Honor. Just a few more questions.
(Laughter in the gallery. The court does not gavel it down.)
Examination (Continued)
Q.  Please state your name for the record.
A.  Sergeant. S-e-r-g-e-a-n-t. No "a" before the "n." Take your time writing it down. Everyone needs it spelled.
Q.  Is the domain sergeant.com for sale?
A.  No.
Q.  Would it be for sale for one million dollars?
A.  No.
Q.  Hypothetically. Suppose there existed a buyer whose resources were, for practical purposes, unlim...
A.  No.
Q.  I had not finished the hypothetical.
A.  The hypothetical was finished when it started. No.
Asked and Answered347 times
Q.  Mr. Sergeant, were you ever in the military?
A.  No.
Q.  So no Sergeant has ever served? The rank is purely ornamental?
A.  Counsel is testifying, and incorrectly. My father was a Corporal in the United States Marines during the Korean War. My uncle served in the Second World War. This family has real veterans. It keeps their records straight.
Q.  And you personally?
A.  I have held no rank beyond the surname. My father earned Corporal. I answer to Sergeant at the pharmacy, and then I spell it. S-e-r-g-e-a-n-t.
Q.  Then what use is the domain to you?
A.  It is my name.
Q.  Turning to what has been marked as Exhibit A.
EXHIBIT ACertificate of Non-AvailabilityThis is to certify that the domain
SERGEANT.COM
is not for sale, was not for sale, and will not be for sale,
notwithstanding any offer, hypothetical, escrow letter,
broker "just checking in," or final number.
Executed wherever the witness happens to be.
Seal of the Surname
Est. 1998
Q.  You prepared this document?
A.  The certificate speaks for itself. It says no.
Q.  And Exhibit F. The so-called family provision.
EXHIBIT FA.  Not so-called. Real. Any person actually named Sergeant is invited to write to domaininfo@sergeant.com, and we can talk. In twenty-eight years, about five people have. It is the only invitation this case has ever contained, and it runs in the other direction.
Q.  What would you say to a serious buyer?
A.  No.
Q.  A very serious buyer?
A.  Asked and answered.
MR. EVERYONE:  Your Honor, at this time I move to admit the public. Anyone may examine the witness.
THE COURT:  Granted. The court stopped hoping years ago.
Examination by the Public
(Appearing Pro Hac Vice)

(The reporter is taking it down...)

You have been admitted for the purpose of this examination. Press / to address the witness. The witness answers under oath and under no obligation whatsoever.

Clerk's tally
Offers rejected to date
(the clerk updates this figure without comment) 347

Reporter's Certificate

I certify that the foregoing is a true and accurate record; that the witness said "No" in every material respect, except as to his father's service, where the record reflects a Corporal of Marines; and that all correspondence in this matter, including inquiries under the Exhibit F family provision, is directed to domaininfo@sergeant.com.

Persons actually named Sergeant who wish to talk about an @sergeant.com address should so state and be prepared to spell it, which they will be, because they always are.

Nothing further.
/s/ The Court Reporter
Certified in Perpetuity, County of Whois